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...-So I guess it literally has fulfilled it's purpose, then, hasn't it?!
- Location, location, location:Soltesovej
- Hudba:Silencia
This, I believe in.
He might have been a pedo/weirdo/homo, but he'd understood it, that Alf Prøysen.
Out of nothing - or just because of a tiny, insignificant trigger, the next few hours might just go down in flames. I see no point in nothing then, to be totally honest. No use in trying. It's not gonna happen anyway. I'm not good enough. I've never been.
I think that's one of my main problems. The feeling of never beeing good enough, never being the person I'd like me to be. That's a feeling I've come to know well the last couple of years. Whatever I do, there's always someone, might not be more than one single person, that don't find what I do good enough. And of course - it's easier to listen to that one person than the 10 others that say I did good. I take sides with the negative.
Always the feeling or thought of "I should have... I could have.., if I'd only...". One could always try talking to the people it concerns, but what good would it do, anyway. They'd probably not care, and the damage is already done. The set of thoughts is hard to let go, even if I know I should, and that they're not right. Soem times, I just want to float away, lay down in a river, and let it take me to a faraway, open ocean. Be surrounded by water, floating in a silent, blurry world of nothing.
Now I sound really depressed and all - but this IS how I feel soemtimes. It should though be mentioned that I, most of the time, am all fine. I've got the most beautiful friends in the world, I live in a nice place and I'm living my dream. I have no right to complain.
- Moody mooday:
melancholy - Hudba:Erlend Bratland - True Colors
I read the "Why Jesus" booklet, and it stated that "all humans need forgiveness." Allright" I thought, "that makes sense." Feeling guily isn't a good feeling - I do absolutely agree on that one.
It also stated that we're never gonna be good enough for God - we're not perfect.
Standing in the bathroom yesterday morning, I came to remember that som "Jeg har en venn". That one states that "there is no option, there's no use in striving", and then I thought: "But then, I'd always feel inadequate!?"
So there you have it. The need of guilt is gone, but replaced with the feeling of inadequateness. But that feeling is no better than the feeling of guilt either - trust me, after living big parts of my life, sensing that feeling - I know. I know how it feels, how it makes you see yourself.
So what about it?
And another thing:
Yesterday night, I watched the first 45 mins. of dr. Hovind's videoseminars on creationism og stuff - and I have to say - I feel like I've fallen between two chairs (or whatever the expression might be in english) and broken both my arms on my way down. I've hereby got two theories, in which none i believe 100% in athe moment. Getting up again is gonna be some struggle.
Right now, I find both the big bang-theory and the God-theory just as plausible. Quite a few points in this theory is questionable, I don't really see the logic/probability of the universe being created from a big bang of nothing at all, to be honest... But then you have the question abou God. If you ask people "who created God", they'll probably say something like "Well, you know, God is big. He's bigger than we can understand.." So then, I think: "If God was created/arose from nothing, so could the universe, right?
So it all boils down to someting like this:
Let's say, just for now, that God created the big bang. He created the big bang out of nothing. Who created God out of nothing? Who created the thing that created God? Where did it all start? How did it all start?
I find that one hard to swallow. But why not believe in it? It's no worse than any other of the theories? According to the scientists, the universe was created in the BB, so we're all made of stardust, and the earth is a couple of billions years old. But how can they know? They don't have any evidence, and noone's ever seen it? So if someone says "Oh, how can you believe in God - something you've never seen?" You could just ask them if they believe in atoms and electrons or TBB. They probably do. Then ask, i they've ever seen it.
So I just think - why not. None of the mentioned theories fits me atm. But none of them are more plausible than the others - so what's the deal? Like some vise person once said: If you believe in God and in heaven, you die, and there is no heaven - you havven't really lost something. If you don't believe in God, and it turns out to actually be true - THEN you've lost a great deal.
All these thoughts - they're driving me to the brink of madness. I need a break soon. Why can't anyone just provide me a single (and simple) solution or an answer to all of this?
Either, I have to find some sort of solution to this crap soon, or else, I'll just have to quit thinking for a while. (Easier said than done, I'll tell ya that) I can't take it much longer. I'm confused, insecure, my world is wobbling like a foundation wall on kvikkleire (lacking word in the dictionary - only has kvikksand and kvikksølv). If you remove the salt - you know what will happen - you've seen it before.
My salt is draining as we speak.
...If aliens exist
...If we've really been to the moon
...How they get the ships into the bottles
...If God exists
...Why 14-yearold girls act so strange nowadays
...How the moon-phase-concept works
...Why slovak has to be such an un-understandable language
...Why norwegians didn't think of making norwegain as fantastically logical as slovak
...Why the earth is round
...What went on in Hitler's head
...Why hazelnut-containing food is SO unbelieveably good
...Why I became me and noone else
...What religion actually is right
...How it's possible to be as stupid as some americans
...Why I'm regarded a failure by some of my relatives for being 20 and single
...If I'll ever find "the one"
...Why you can't just eat ONE smash
...How the world can be SO complex, but still "just a coincidence"
...If miracles DO happen
...Wether I'm ever gonna make it through med.school
...How t's possible to have this shitload of feelings without bursting
...How awesome it would be to be an acrobat at a circus
...What it was like to live in the middle age
...Why we have ear lobes and tonsils
...If robots will take over the world someday
...When doomsday is
...Who will win MGP 2010
...If I have any relatives in America
...What I'd ask Jesus if I met him on the street
...How many pages I've written in my life
...Why we have genes for tongue curling
...How I'll die
...Where the dinosaurs fit in
...What my purpose in life is
...If the meaning of life really is 42
...When snow will come
...Why some men are idiots
...If there's a heaven
...How it would be like to be an awesome guitarist
...What I'll get for christmas this year
...Why shit old glacier water all of a sudden gets an expiry-date when tappedon a bottle
...How my dad really feels about me
...When my suprise-parcel is coming
...If it's possible to get Rose safe and sound to Martin
...If I'll pass biophysics
...Why I'm blessed with the most beautiful friends in the world
...What purpose perfumated toilet paper serves
...Why some people are so narrow-minded
...What triggers sexual orientation
...If I really have small K's in my bed
...Wether the big bang theory is true or not
...How it's possible for a man to be so hot as Hugh Laurie is
...What time it is in Korea right now
...Why there's 12 hot dog breads in one pack, but only 10 sausages in the pack of sausages
...How, and why, people eat mouldy cheese
...What the point with war is
...Who I'm talking to in my sleep
...How many questions I'll end up with
...If I'll ever find an answer to all of this...
Feel free to help.
WHERE DOES THE DINOSAURS FIT IN?! THAT'S WHAT I WANNA KNOW!
Aww, I don't think I'm ready for this life yet...I've been thinking a lot these last few days. The talk on sunday night kinda kick-started a thinking process thet turned out to be a BIT more complicated and big than I first thought. But in some ways, it's a good trail of thoughts. And it's certainly not hurting. I just feel extremely reflective at the moment. And then, I go all the way down - being "creative", listening to down-music (Helloooo Nightwish) and just thinking. About life, me, my world, love, religion and all that jazz.
The thought that I have someone that prays for me, is just overwhelming, even now, several days after I got to know. I don't even know why it makes me feel and react like I do, but I just feel so happy and loved and safe that I don't know what to do with myself - I feel it just building up inside, like I'm going to burst any minute.
I have no idea what this is, but I can't stop thinking about it. Nowadays, I think "Why am I ME?" Of all the other cells that could have been mixed, it was me that was created. Why? How come? Is it just coincidence? Is there a greater power? A greater power that I believe in? Where did the logic me go? Is it still logical? What to think? What to do?
I think I agree with myself that this ain't a good time for these thoughts. But then again - will it ever be the right time? I think the process would have kicked into gear some other time anyway, so... Yeah. There you have it. I'm confused. And unsure. What answers do I find? Do I find any at all? Are they the right ones?
Oh well, it'll work out in the end. But still, it's weird - one week ago, I hardly ever thought about these things, now I can't stop. Luckily, I have the best people ever to share it with. People who know how it's like. People with the biggest ears ^^
This didn't make too much sense, did it?
- Hudba:Michael Jackson - This is it (orchestra version)
Why are you so fantastic?
It's almost reason enough to believe itself - cuz it could seem like a miracle; how else did I deserve you?
To come across such amazing people is something that don't happen every day, and that you on top of all get to know them, that has to be a gift from God, wether you believe or not. Those things make you believe there's something out there after all - something bigger, and more supreme than we can grasp.
You add a ray of sunlight to my cloudy days, with you, I am strong. Thank you for just being you, I love you more than words can tell. Know that.
I'm impressed. You really are a manwhore. We can still be kick-ass friends, but good riddance - this was the last you saw of MY feelings!
*hugz*
Why are you being like that? I told you what I mean and where I stand, but still, you keep going on! Come on, dude, it's not cool!
This flirting-thing you're doing isn't working. I said nothing is gonna happen as long as you have a girlfriend, but still, you continue, so obvioust that even _I_ get it - and then, it's just TOO much.
This ain't to be rude or anything, but noone is gaining on this. If you keep going, I might actually GET feelings for ya, which is just crap, since you're already taken. I've already been unhappily in love too much, so I'm not up for it again, and certainly not now.
Is it hunting instinct or something? The urge to have something you know you can't get?
I get the feeling we could be really good friends, but not when you behave like you do right now.
So yeah; I'll just repeat it - IT AIN'T HAPPENING! So stop flirting and be fucking normal!
Btw: I want more norwegian milk chocolate.
AWW I CAN NEVER SLEP IN THAT BED AGAIN HURRRRRRR
I don't wanna think about it. I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna close it up and never bring it up ever again! AAAAGH
You rock my world.
I know you'll always be there. With you, I can laugh. I can sing. I can cry. I'm safe.
Thank you so much for just being yourselves.
I love you more than reason.
I rest my case and go lesbian.
Why do we need them anyway - I can fix my own car!
- Hudba:Kutless - Better is one day
The Immatriculation sheet is firmly magnetized to the fridge waiting for a proper frame, and I am officially a student of medicine. Wooo!
So, today, it was dressup-time again. This time actually correct, so it was dress, heels and all that jazz. The ceremony was nice (and very formal) with the dean and rector present and everything. We had to step forth one by one, pledge the oath (right point- and index finger on the septum and "I promise"), get the immatriculation paper from the dean (AND be in a good camera position at the same time XD) and then bow for the rector. Fancy.
Yesterday, I had the big "I don't really want to study, so I'll bake instead"-day. I baked "boller" (know no english word for it) and made spagetti for the crew. They came over, and we had spagetti, boller and disco-cookies. Tonje collapsed all over the floor, and laughed herself to shreds over the first aid-guy. Are we going to the big hostel on tuesday? Prooobably not. XD
One funny thing with eating; you can always see where Tonje has been, cuz there's crumbles everywhere. And don't leave her unattended in a room with lit candles. Disaster WILL strike.
In an hour, I'm going to Linn's to have dinner. And tomorrow, it's Tesco-day with Gina and Tonje again. This time, we'll probably not cross the railroad, though.
He said I looked good. I'm skyhigh. XD But it's off limits. One always wants what one can't have. That's the way the cookie crumbles.
- Hudba:The Cardigans - Lovefool
Yeah, that's right, CPR! Cardiopulmonary resusciation, boys and girls!
Our teacher is just hilarious. He knows jokes that are sexist and offensive to blondes AND guys, all in one. I quote:
"Why do blondes have bruises all around their bellybutton?
-Because blonde boys also excist!"
BAWW
After the hard work that CPR is, I went home and made dinner. Hungry like shit, and now I'm full like shit. Wonder why?
I consumed 2 eggs, 2dl flour, 3dl mi
- Hudba:The Killers - Human
Blogg.no sux. They won't let me in. So then it's back to livejournal, the oh so abandoned blog for the extra interested.
So here we are. Break now, got basic first aid practical at 13.30. Is the win. FA practical is the only subject we have that's on the hospital, so it's likeable. Other than that, I feel WEE BIT stressed about anatomy (of all, wtb?!) and latin. Latin is the horror of german all over again. Only thing that saves it is the fact that it's medically related. The chemistry test tomorrow, on the other hand? No worries.
Fall came all too sudden here. Last monday was summer, last wednesday was fall. Temperature drop of 12-15 degrees on two days? Suits me well? NO. I DON'T HAVE WARM CLOTHES, DAMNATION! CAN'T USE MY SHORTS NOW, CAN I?!
Oh well. Thursday, I started on my radiator project. Found the users' manual for the ***Auraton 2020*** HIGH-TECH FANTASTIC online, so I got that all figured out and programmed by thursday evening. But then. The riddle. How to work the radiators?! I've never interacted with radiators before, so hellooo Marie "Question-mark" Dragseth. In the end, I was so friggin' cold, I just crumbled and called my dad.
"Hey dad, how do I use the radiators?" 2 euros worth of radiator-talk. So, I turned them up to 3 (forced them, really. The former lessee can't have known the function of washing thingies, and the knobs were stuck, hard as rocks and super glue) Nothing happened. Fleece jacket and scarf. At this point, the water boiler was boiling like it was terminating, but still, no heat. Then, in despair, I turned them up to 4. HEAT! HALLELUJA!
Later; the questions. Is the boiler boiling for the rest of the winter, now? Do I have to wait 4 months to take my next shower? Am I doing this RIGHT?! Landlords + logics are the win. Sendt an e-mail and hoped for the best. Krajcovic stopped by sunday evening, and it turned out everything had been fine all the time. MARIE - RADIATORS 1-0 YEAH
Saturday was ice cream-testing-night. Tonje and Gina came over, and we had (problably) 3453485 kg's of sugar, fats and bad things wrapped in cream and oreo-bluebox of pure luck. I could have died happy that evening. And then, when e didn't think things could be more EXREME, we decided to ut my hair. With the kitchen scissors, without so much a a comb. It was friggin' hilarious. MacGyver was left in the tub, and I love it! Hellooo normal look (As normal as it ever could be, but still)
Now it's reading time. First food, then chemistry and anatomy. I think. Have to recap the latin.
Aaaand I'm making pannekakerøre. YAY
- Hudba:Queen - The show must go on
...What are you zzzinking of?
XD Trøtt eller? Nej eller?
Så ja. Vi spiste is til den store gullmedalje (Salen kjørte i seg en hel boks alene - 420 mL jordbærsorbet! Impressive), etterfyllte med rare slovakiske "kaker" (?) og vann med spennede smaker. Så heftig som appelsin og sitron. WILD! Og så spilte vi geni. Et eventyr i seg selv. "KE E DU LAGT AV?!"
Fikk også gjort unna hårklipp. Frisør/kokkelure/lege Stokka criuser videre med 2/2 i statistikk på bra hårklipp. McGyver-sveisen ligger igjen i badekaret, og fotograf Salen fikk nye bilder til sin samling av sanity. WIN/WIN
Så ja. Flott kveld. Liiige det! <3 Dere er så gode, jenter! (GODT over gjennomskrittet -øøøøh, jeg mener gjennomsnittet!) Tenkte før jeg dro at dette kunne bli seks år med sosial tørke, men nå tror jeg jeg skyver den bekymringa tilside for godt. Tror jeg har funnet meg ei bra havn, om det noengang skulle være noe. Og så skal vi jo se så som i himmelen, så da kommer sikkert alle kortene på bordet , eller hva tror dere? :p
Nå tror jeg jeg snart skal ta kvelden, selv om jeg ikke føler meg særlig sengeklar for øyeblikket. Har kjørt innpå med så mye sukker i kveld at jeg sikkert kan holde meg våken til mandag om det skulle bli behov.
Så alt i alt; braaa kveld! Dere er fantastiske!
Peace out! <3
JEG HAR FÅTT MIN FØRSTE BOT EVAR!
JEG ER RÅBARSK KRIMINELL!
I dag dro Gina, Tonje og jeg til Tesco (Lørdag er jo tesco-dagen). Da vi skulle krysse toglinja fant vi ut at vi for en gangs skyd skulle "live on the wild side" og krysse toglinja istedet for å gå over brua, sånn som vi bruker å gjøre. Det gikk en kar over linja, så vi bare fulgte ham.
Gjett hvem som venta på andre sida av linja'a? POLISEN, VØTT! Med gønner og greier! Hun begynte å ravle ivei på slovakisk (eneste jeg fikk med meg av det hele var "slecna") og vi bare "eeeeh hæ, now?!" Fikk tilslutt kresta utav oss at vi bare snakker engelsk. Så hun slo over på sitt mindre omfangsrike vokabular i engelsk og forklarte at det var forbudt å krysse toskinnene. Så da var det fram med id-kort (pass) og gode greier. Så nå er vi nok innrullert i kriminalregisteret som hardkokte kriminelle toglinjekryssere.
Så var det denne boten, da. Toglinjekryssing går ikke ubemerket eller ustraffet hen, må vite. FEM euro kosta opptrinnet. Betalte på stedet og fikk sågar KVITTERING med stempel fra politikontoret. HOHO, lappen er oppe på veggen med kommentaren "Good girls gone BAD".
Sånn i ettertid ser jeg den begrensa smartheten i å stå og le og snakke norsk mens to bevæpnede politi skriver ut bot til oss, men hva kan man gjøre? Etter 20 lovlydige år i Norge, klarer man seg hele FIRE UKER i Slovakia før man går i baret. Det er medalje-kvalifiserende.
Så ja. Satser på at saken er opp og avgjort og ute av verden. Blir ei god historie å fortelle barnebarn og random folk om et par år.
Nå er det imidlertid istestar-night på huset, Stavangerensemblet og undertegnede har bunkra is, så nå skal det smakes! (Oreo-is og fersken-sorbet, YEAH!) Nom. Blir sikkert fiiin lesedag i morgen. Errr, ja.
- Hudba:Erlend Bratland - Autumn Wind
Blogg.no er et gnagsår i ræva og nekter å slippe meg inn, bare fordi jeg er i Slovakia atm. (Så Rose, om du leser dette - jeg kommer meg ikke innpå marieogrosestull, heller). Derfor må jeg bare spill my guts' her og røle ivei om ting som har skjedd i det siste.
Fikk Sobotta og Gray's på tirsdag, da skal jeg fortelle det ble glädje i heimen. Sobotta er jo en opplevelse i seg selv, bare størrelsen er jo rent orgasmisk, og da har man ikke sett på innholdet engang. AH
I går kjøpte jeg vaskemiddel til badet. Domestos. Med den inspirerende teksten "Kills all known bacteria dead" på framsida. Vitajte na Slovensku, liksom.
Utover det har jeg vel ikke allverden å melde, skal jeg være ærlig. Jeg er helt på trynet når det kommer til radiatorer, hvilket er litt synd siden det begynner å bli litt kaldt her nå. Forrige kvelden satt jeg og leste med te lag klær + skjerf. HURRA (Superundies <3)
Tror jeg har skjønt konseptet med temperaturpanelet, men når jeg slår på oppvarming begynner varmtvannstanken min å dure, så jeg føler alle pengene mine bare renner ut med radiatorvannet. Hvor blir det av varmvannet? Er alt i radiatorene? Sirkulerer det? Er tanken halvtom? Kan jeg dusje de neste fire månedene? Koster det skjorta, dette her? AAA kven kveit. Må vel sende Krajcovic mail igjen. Hurra. JEG maser da ikke? (Men then again; jeg betaler 450 euro for å bo her. måneden. Et par spørsmål er vel igjrunn bare valuta for pengene.)
SÅ JA.
Nå skal jeg finne ut konseptet med varmtvannstanken, forhåpentligvis ta en dusj og lage middag. Sein middag i dag, siden det var fotballtrening. Baaare folk fra andreklassen og oppover, pluss meg og Tonje. KRED
- Hudba:Coldplay - The scientist
